Archive for the relationships Category

This is Love?

Posted in book previews, inspirational, love, relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on January 11, 2016 by cortneydanielbonner

“This is love?”  That was my first reaction when I felt that gaping whole in my stomach where my heart plummeted and shot out of my rectum like a meteor! Hmm… a meteor.  Yeah, that’s it! LOVE IS A METEOR! Who knows when its coming? Who the hell is gonna stop it when it gets here? Has SUPERMAN outsourced all of his superhero duties to China and India with all of the other job creators? 

So, where did this love come from? Will someone please tell me, who sent it? And why n’ the hell did it hit me? C’mon, think about it. If you were craving something sweet, you know what I’m talkin’ bout! Grabbed your keys and rushed outside right now, jumped into your Volkswagen and drove to Kroger to get ummmm…. some….I don’t know…….p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pumpkin pie or….yeah, pumpkin pie, in the the middle of rush hour, what are the chances love could happen to you?

With your luck, you catch every light, but you’re the model driver with no traffic violations or points on your license. So, you calmly apply your breaks, slowly exhale and start to relax when….VROOOMMMM! An all black pimped out Range Rover sittin’ on 22’s, blows past you and into the intersection followed by a barrage of loud horns and several expletives. Damn Rappers! You think to yourself and start to mumble a few expletives of your own when suddenly, a elderly nun in full garb, habit and all leans out the rear passenger window and flips the “bird” to me, the cars and the passengers behind her. You should be offended but you can barely restrain yourself from crackin’ the hell up ’til your sides hurt.

At that moment, the light changes and once irate crowd coolly cruise across the roadway. You do the same and turn into Kroger’s parking lot. Park. Get out and when you notice a group of kids wearing baseball caps with their jeans saggin’ with CDs in their hand trying to flag you down. So, you slyly make a B-line in the other direction and quickly avoid the mob. What do you care? You listen to Spotify anyway. Finally, walk into Kroger and head directly to the bakery not looking at anything else because you only have $4.27 for that p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pumkin pie. Toss your life savings at the cashier. Walk outside and then…. BAM! A “gangsta meteor” slams into your little black Beetle. Immediately, with the comedic timing of Chris Tucker all those bad ass kids scream i”Daaaaammm!”….in unison and start laughin’ in your face.

At best, you’re perturbed. Fate has been most unkind to you, then slowly a peaceful calm cascades over you face, you begin to grin and then you ask yourself:”You know how long that heat rock’s been on a crash course to crush your ride and change your life?” Considering the fact that you have no ride, no money, no appetite for no dam p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pumpkin pie and no idea what to do next cuz u got NO RIDE home, you’re feeling pretty good.

WHY IS THAT?

Well, on the other hand, there’s a possibility that rock might be of some use. How much do you think somebody is going to pay you for that rock when it cools? Huh? Yessir! You feel like that meteor is the best thing that ever happened to you. Sound familiar?

Now your on the news everyday. Everybody wants to hear your story. The state lottery signed you to a 1yr contract to be their spokesperson. The chances of getting struck by lightning 3 times are minuscule when you compare that to having a meteor demolish YO HOOPTIE! It’s all good! Life is good!. Life is really, really good, for now.

A week or so later, on a day when you thought life couldn’t get any better, the government shows up on your doorstep and politely request to ask you a few questions. Before you know it, special agents intervene, confiscate the rock for some tests and then issue a statement claiming that it was not a meteor but a by product of a top secret experiment being done on weather manipulation.(puts a different slant on the term M-E-T-E-O-R-ologist Hmmmmm.

Wow! Now, there goes the lottery contract. And you are now part of a government conspiracy investigation due to your involvement in the “hoax”. Yup! That’s love! NOW WHAT?

Fortunately, after the kicking and screaming has ceased, “clarity” bursts into the room like the DEA in a raid on a meth lab, yelling: “FREEZE!” Then quietly whispers: “balance, balance. ”

“Hello McFly?” A love that is true and meant for you consists of balance. Most importantly, real love is a journey of valleys, peaks, mountains and plains. This is the universal dynamic of exchange between you and that special someone.

As a result, the beauty that emerges, manifests into love. You see, love is miraculous as well as tragic. How fun would your favorite roller coaster be if it went up and never came down? Without a doubt, that would suck big time. If that same analogy were true of my recreational drug use years ago, I would not be sober enough to have the magnificent epiphany I am basking in this very moment. While, I’m at it, to be honest, if my addiction experience consisted of “highs” and “highs” only, I definitely wouldn’t be able to share this lesson with you. Or anything else for that matter.

Forgive me. I digress.

For some time now, I’ve been looking at love differently. When I envision it now, see it as a tree, in the early stages of growth, isolated in the middle of the Mojave Desert If you would, please picture that just for an uninterrupted solitary moment. Next, apply the laws of nature to it just like a tree. We all know, in order for the love/tree to grow properly, we first must dig a hole. Next, you plant a seed. Then, if you’re lucky, I mean really lucky and you make it that far, you gotta expose it to sunshine and rain.

Now here lies the delicate “balance” that sometimes renders love helpless suspended in a fragile state. Its imperative fir you to proceed with caution and gently sustain, “here it is again: ‘balance.'”. Understand! Too much of one and not enough of the other, will undoubtedly result in its destruction.

Believe me, it doesn’t happen to everyone every time. Some of us are more fortunate than others. But when your tree begins to grow, you just cant sit back and watch it. You must maintain it by manicuring and pruning it. This requires patience and commitment.

Congratulations, you have made it to the crucial juncture where many have fail because we are “moving too fast to engage ourselves” and commit to something of this magnitude. Indeed, love must be cherished not because of how wonderful it can make us feel, but because of how rare it is to find and evade the eminent possibility of loosing it.

It is here, at this point of love’s development, that the “haters” emerge and repeatedly remind you that love is a four-letter word. Although these unhappy clowns are persistent and relentless in their efforts to discourage, I never waver, I embrace love and submerge myself in its essence. I know that it is the most complicated word in our language because it can only be defined by itself. Worse than that, love is defined by each individual differently. I love it still.

Luckily, the absolute most endearing revelation I’ve been blessed to experience, was on my wedding day. Shhhh. (whispering) The first one. Just before I walked up to the alter, my mother took me by the hand and whispered into my ear: “Love is a verb not a noun.” I didn’t get it then. And it’s obvious because that marriage ended in divorce eight years later. In spite of my shortcomings then, I get it now. When you find that special someone, it is absolutely in your best interest to be proactive if you want a love that endures.

Whew! I’m getting a little misty-eyed so I will end this tirade and “put the man in the ground” as my mother would say. Ultimately, living life without mystery and needing to know everything is quite obnoxious. Life is imperfect, unpredictable and chaotic. These attributes are essential to its mystique.

Of course, there lies its beauty and the lessons we need to mature. Fear is the opposite of love and not knowing is the infatuation that sparks the towering inferno every human being longs to consume them. Kind of sadistic ain’t it?  For the official site click here

 

 

Protected: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY! 60 YRS YOUNG!

Posted in Family, God, inspirational, love, Parents, relationships, Religion, socio-economic with tags , , , , , , on October 1, 2013 by cortneydanielbonner

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SOMETIMES,UGOTTACRAWLTHRUYOUROWNWINDOW

Posted in book previews, inspirational, love, relationships, Uncategorized on January 28, 2011 by cortneydanielbonner
This is me getting to know myself!

See the guy in this picture?  Well let’s just say, this is how you have to approach yourself sometimes.  I mean, the element of surprise and the heavily armed thing is far from being over the top.  You need the entire ensemble. The mask, the gun and the shady disposition is a must have for this type of ‘intrevention’.  Because you never know how you will react when you truly confront yourself in earnest.  Let’s be honest, things could get ugly!

So, why the sudden need for introspection?  Well, it would be useless to have discussions on love and relationships if you do not love or have a healthy relationship with yourself.  For a long time I believed that I loved myself just because.  But just like any person you come in contact with on a daily basis, there are going to be things you like and things you don’t like.  I had to separate myself from the things  I perceived to be ‘unattractive’.

In addition, you have to be honest with yourself.  Halle Berry once said in an interview: “In the first six months of a relationship, that’s not you……that’s your representative.”  Actually, she is quite accurate.  It’s like expecting a guest over for the first time and trying to ‘tidy up’ really fast.  That’s a joke!  Because if you have not been maintaining your environment and keeping it clean on a regular basis, then you are just sweeping dust under the rug and eventually the filth will be exposed!

Now that we have gotten that out-of-the-way , let’s deal with how we clean up the mess.  It’s similar to performing brain surgery on yourself and believe me, it’s dangerous!  I fainted before I could even administer a local anesthetic.  I was in serious need of help.  I could not do it by myself.   Prayer worked for me.  I asked God to intervene and exterminate all the ugly termites that had infested this huge block of wood sittin’ on top of my shoulders . 

When I saw how many little ugly critters were creepin’ around inside of me, I asked the Lord how did they get there and why it took such a long time for me to realize that I needed help.  He explained it to me in one sentence.  “When you lay down with dogs, you come up with fleas!”  I know it sounds a little genric coming from God but sometimes LESS IS MORE AND TOO MUCH IS NOT ENOUGH.  It was effective. It was an analogy and it was simple.  The dogs were negative thoughts and people who I had surrounded myself with over the years.  Many of us do this and the portal in which we allow these elements to enter our lives is fear!

Ultimately, fear is the basis of everything negative.  As children and young adults we fear that we will not be accepted if we present our true self to the hip new ‘click’ we are trying to join.  So afraid of rejection that we compromise ourselves.  The fear of rejection had blinded me in such a way that I could not see that if the people I was trying to hangout with OR DATE were so cool, then why did I have to change at all?  A better question is why did I tell myself that the real me was not good enough? 

There are many types of insecurities and they manifest themselves in various ways. The key to success in any relationship, including one with yourself, is honesty.  Be you!  Keep it real with yourself!

SELAH!!!

CORTNEY DANIEL BONNER

WE SHOULD BE “COMMITTED”

Posted in book previews, inspirational, love, relationships on January 20, 2011 by cortneydanielbonner

If love is crazy and the person you love is crazy and you chose to be with them then that makes you crazy!  So, you should be committed……..to the one you love.

Well I’m back.  Here’s an update.  My girlfriend and I broke up, tried it out with other people then finally realized that was a waste of time.  We broke down and against our better judgment  and to the dismay of all our so called friends who moonlight as psychotherapists  but are either sexually deprived, emotionally retarded, alone or in a relationship more phuckd up than ours, we got back 2gether .  After many tears and orgasms we broke through our fears and DUH?  We finally realized that if it made sense it would not be love and broke out of the prison we built 4 ourselves….   FEAR!

Now, don’t misunderstand me.  The first 23 days we were back together were AMAZING, but like great sex the afterglow only lasts for so long.  So we each had to roll up our sleeves and get to work.  Hey, if it was easy, then  everyone would be happy in love and there would be no divorces.  Sustaining a healthy relationship is no walk on the beach.  And have you been to the beach lately?  I ain’t been to the beach in  years and I STILL have sand in my navel.  Oh you too?  Annoying isn’t it?

Don’t tell my girl I said this, but being in love has the joy of being at the beach and I love that but I can do without the sand that comes with it.  Unfortunately, you can’t have the beach without sand and HEY she’s worth it.  And we all know that,  if you want the ultimate, you got to pay the ultimate price.  Besides, a little sand never hurt anyone.

After a few spats, we decided that we were both insane and were totally made for each other.   So, in order to fulfill the LUNACY of true love, we made a commitment to one another to never part.  Let’s face it!  Breaking up is easy.  It’s the staying together that’s the pain in the ( Forrest Gump Voice) BUTTOCKS!

Nevertheless, I am proud to be committed to my partner.  Our commitment is an extremely  important facet of my life.  But its staying committed that uplifts my self-esteem.  Oh no! I’ve done it now.  I try not to get all emotional and teary-eyed when I write these posts and as soon as the men in the white suits come remove this straight jacket, I’ll go get some tissue and blow my nose.  Here they come now!

Finally, this post commemorates my return to love.  It’s great to be back in the saddle again!  For the official site click here

THE MISSING PEACE

Posted in book previews, inspirational, love, relationships, Uncategorized on December 20, 2010 by cortneydanielbonner
THE MISSING PEACE

You know what sucks?  Working on a 500 pc jigsaw puzzle for 2hrs and 15 mins only to realize that you only have 499 pcs!  Do you know how disappointing  that is?  It’s like being teleported to looserville.  So I moped around for a couple of minutes and then like a MACK truck, it hit me!  This unfortunate experience was a great analogy, not only for my life but for the entire human race.  I know there are countless cultures and numerous ethnicities across the globe. But no matter how much we differ from  one another, we all have one commonality that unites us.  This common denominator exist at the core of every soul.  Each and every single one of us at one time or another in our lives, feels empty or incomplete. 

Often, this MISSING PEACE is so elusive that we will try to fill the void with anything.  Some people choose money.  Others choose love.  But most choose  sex, drugs and alcohol as a quick fix.  These substitutes are very alluring because they make us feel like we are in control and can cover up our true feelings of emptiness.  In fact these substances project the illusion that we are perfectly fine and are in need of nothing.  WRONG!

Unfortunately, I have been a victim of this same illusion.   I can recall a particular night in my past when I was preparing for a night of indulgence.  I was so excited that I wanted to make sure the tools need for this night of pleasure were sparkling clean.  So, after a lot of bleach and elbow grease, I sat back and basked in the glow of pride.  While I was admiring my work, the spirit of the Lord spoke to me.  He said: “Mighty fine work.  Looks like it took a lot of time and effort. Great job!  I said: “Thank you!”  Then the Lord asked: “How much time and effort did you give me today?”  I was speechless and crestfallen.  I grew a lot that day.  I realized that God is the MISSING PEACE. 

Furthermore, not only is it the only peace capable of filling up the great chasm in our lives, it is imperative if you want to make complete sound decisions in your life.   We must understand how important and powerful our free will is.  The human fabric is woven so tightly together that even the smallest choice can affect another human being far greater than we could possibly imagine.  With that being said, please choose wisely.  Whether it is a simple choice to have one more drink  for the road or to storm out of the house in an emotional fury after an argument with your loved one. 

P.S.  Just so you know you are not alone, I am currently in the middle of a little spat with my baby right now.  I don’t mean this day.  I mean this very minute.  I only decided to finish this post to vent my anger and frustration in a constructive manner.  After making that statement and exposing my current emotional climate in my home, I feel better already.

As you can gather, no one is immune.  But by the grace of God and prayer, my Boo-Boo and I can count on God to provide the PEACE MISSING in our lives during an argument to hold us together until we come down off of the ’emotional roller coaster’ and reconcile.  GOD IS THE MISSING PEACE THAT HOLDS IT ALL TOGETHER.

TO BE CONTINUED

SELAH!!!

CORTNEY DANIEL BONNER

 
 

TO CHEAT OR NOT TO CHEAT? THAT IS DECEPTINON

Posted in inspirational, love, relationships on December 18, 2010 by cortneydanielbonner

Deception is a lady with a sword!

I had something entirely different planned to present today but this morning my Boo-Boo and I got into this deep ‘discussion’.  It was not as deep as the stab wound you see here on the left but fairly intense.   So this post was inspired by a ‘discussion’ about fidelity.  Not in the sense of love and relationships, but in the business world.  I was reviewing a contract proposal from a publishing house that has considered to publish my work.  After all the fanfare and excitement, I sat down and read the contract every day for a week.   I came away from the experience with a new comprehension of the term ‘breech of contract’.  Then I started thinking.  Why would anyone want to be involved in a contract with someone if they had no intention of honoring the terms?

Let me put the importance and severity of this idea into context.  When I was married many years ago, I was unfaithful.  I absolutely did not respect the contract and its terms or I NEVER WOULD HAVE CHEATED!  No disrespect to my former wife or any other woman who has been involved with a man who cheats, but it’s not just about respecting your mate or the terms of your agreement.  It is most definitely about respecting yourself!

In business, how would your peers and co-workers in your industry look upon a collegue if  he/she had the notorious reputation for being an individual who did not do what he or she had agreed to do?  How would that same reputation, if attatched to you, affect your success.  Most importantly, how would it affect your self -image?

On a daily basis, we verbally bash and sometimes impeach civil servants and public officials, if we even speculate they are lying, being dishonest or lack transparency.  Isn’t your committment to your mate more important than your committment to ousting a corrupt politician?

In short, what message are you sending to yourself when you enter into an agreement that you have no intention to uphold and subsequently are fully aware that you will breech it?  TO CHEAT OR NOT TO CHEAT? THAT IS DECEPTION because it should not even be an option!  Not if you RESPECT yourself it shouldn’t.  And if you don’t respect yourself, how can you love yourself or anyone else for that matter?

This great discovery arrived when I knew I needed to improve as a person.  The first thing one must do to improve is feel good about oneself.  In order to do that, I had to be a man of my word on every level.  I am still working on that.  I have not mastered this by any means but I am better that I was.  I believe when you cheat, on your mate, on your taxes or in any event or project that bears your name or presence, you discredit yourself.

While I was still basking in the glow of my deeply inciteful revelation, a STILL, SMALL VOICE spoke to me.  It said: “EXACTLY”.  At that moment I knew that in order for me to advance my life spiritually and ultimately find peace, I needed to honor every letter of every word  of every contract that I agreed to.  In the words of the great Tony Montana: “All I have in this world is my word and my balls and I don’t break them for nobody!”. 

After reading this, it should be obvious what true integrity is.  Some may still choose to cheat and that is their business.  No one is without fault.  But if you cheat in any way shape or form, in the end the only  cloak of deception that truly exist is the one you have woven for yourself.  For the official site click here

“ARE YOU IN LOVE OR JUST IN LOVE WITH IT?”

Posted in inspirational, love, relationships with tags on December 17, 2010 by cortneydanielbonner

Does your heart feel like this?

Well,  I got the itch again and its time for another post.  So I was sitting in bed, checkin’ out the multitude of blogs on love.  OMG!  There are only four hundred fifty-two million, two hundred ninety-five thousand, nine hundred and two sites to visit. I had no idea we were so obsessed with subject.

So, I pondered a moment and  tried to picture that in my mind( I’m left brained  BTW) but I was interrupted  by this god-awful stench.  Something was burning!  At first, I was calm.  But when  the ominous clouds of  smoke appeared,  I started trippin’.  After about ………two seconds, I was frantic!  I looked on the floor.  NOTHING.  I looked  out the window.  NOTHING.  I looked in the trash can that to my surprise, was overflowing with trash!  STILL NOTHING!!!  I EVEN LOOKED IN MY BOWL!!!………….. Scratch that.  Let’s just say, I looked everywhere and found nothing.  Then I realized.  That horrid stench was my hair!  BURNING!  Did Micheal Jackson come back from the dead just to “f#$k” with me for laughing so damn  hard at his Pepsi fiasco?(sorry Mike)  No!  Then I looked up and saw the 1000 watt light bulb beaming brightly above my head.  Oh!  That’s it!  It was my GOOGLE alert gadget for IDEAS.  Thank God!  So I checked my Gmail.

Where was I?  Oh!  Obsessed with love…….  and  the question I propose is  “ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HER/HIM OR ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH LOVE?’

Society has conditioned us to believe in this four-letter word so deeply that we try to fit our “in” SIGNIFICANT OTHERS into a “cookie cutter” ideal.  In addition to the 2.3 kids, the white picket fence, the two car garage etc… we neglect accepting love as it flows into our lives.  Many of  us have LOVE  on a post-it in our day planner, next to a plethora of other materialistic goals we have on our “LIST FOR A PERFECT LIFE.”  note to self: REVISE PERFECT LIFE LIST

Ladies and gentlemen,  let us bow our heads for a  moment of silence please.  The funeral services for the late Ms. Antiquated Views on love have now begun………………….,  Our hearts may have been in the right place but now it’s time to re-place our conditioned hearts with what is right, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  We have so many preconceived notions of how love SHOULD be, that we neglect to experience how it really is.  This dis-ease retards our emotional growth.  It blinds us horribly and prevents us from seeing how love can truly effect and transform our lives.

Now that I got  your brain marinated properly, peep this:  If you open your eyes, you might find love.  But if  you open your heart, true love will  find you.  For the official site click here

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