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This is Love?

Posted in book previews, inspirational, love, relationships, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on January 11, 2016 by cortneydanielbonner

“This is love?”  That was my first reaction when I felt that gaping whole in my stomach where my heart plummeted and shot out of my rectum like a meteor! Hmm… a meteor.  Yeah, that’s it! LOVE IS A METEOR! Who knows when its coming? Who the hell is gonna stop it when it gets here? Has SUPERMAN outsourced all of his superhero duties to China and India with all of the other job creators? 

So, where did this love come from? Will someone please tell me, who sent it? And why n’ the hell did it hit me? C’mon, think about it. If you were craving something sweet, you know what I’m talkin’ bout! Grabbed your keys and rushed outside right now, jumped into your Volkswagen and drove to Kroger to get ummmm…. some….I don’t know…….p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pumpkin pie or….yeah, pumpkin pie, in the the middle of rush hour, what are the chances love could happen to you?

With your luck, you catch every light, but you’re the model driver with no traffic violations or points on your license. So, you calmly apply your breaks, slowly exhale and start to relax when….VROOOMMMM! An all black pimped out Range Rover sittin’ on 22’s, blows past you and into the intersection followed by a barrage of loud horns and several expletives. Damn Rappers! You think to yourself and start to mumble a few expletives of your own when suddenly, a elderly nun in full garb, habit and all leans out the rear passenger window and flips the “bird” to me, the cars and the passengers behind her. You should be offended but you can barely restrain yourself from crackin’ the hell up ’til your sides hurt.

At that moment, the light changes and once irate crowd coolly cruise across the roadway. You do the same and turn into Kroger’s parking lot. Park. Get out and when you notice a group of kids wearing baseball caps with their jeans saggin’ with CDs in their hand trying to flag you down. So, you slyly make a B-line in the other direction and quickly avoid the mob. What do you care? You listen to Spotify anyway. Finally, walk into Kroger and head directly to the bakery not looking at anything else because you only have $4.27 for that p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pumkin pie. Toss your life savings at the cashier. Walk outside and then…. BAM! A “gangsta meteor” slams into your little black Beetle. Immediately, with the comedic timing of Chris Tucker all those bad ass kids scream i”Daaaaammm!”….in unison and start laughin’ in your face.

At best, you’re perturbed. Fate has been most unkind to you, then slowly a peaceful calm cascades over you face, you begin to grin and then you ask yourself:”You know how long that heat rock’s been on a crash course to crush your ride and change your life?” Considering the fact that you have no ride, no money, no appetite for no dam p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pumpkin pie and no idea what to do next cuz u got NO RIDE home, you’re feeling pretty good.

WHY IS THAT?

Well, on the other hand, there’s a possibility that rock might be of some use. How much do you think somebody is going to pay you for that rock when it cools? Huh? Yessir! You feel like that meteor is the best thing that ever happened to you. Sound familiar?

Now your on the news everyday. Everybody wants to hear your story. The state lottery signed you to a 1yr contract to be their spokesperson. The chances of getting struck by lightning 3 times are minuscule when you compare that to having a meteor demolish YO HOOPTIE! It’s all good! Life is good!. Life is really, really good, for now.

A week or so later, on a day when you thought life couldn’t get any better, the government shows up on your doorstep and politely request to ask you a few questions. Before you know it, special agents intervene, confiscate the rock for some tests and then issue a statement claiming that it was not a meteor but a by product of a top secret experiment being done on weather manipulation.(puts a different slant on the term M-E-T-E-O-R-ologist Hmmmmm.

Wow! Now, there goes the lottery contract. And you are now part of a government conspiracy investigation due to your involvement in the “hoax”. Yup! That’s love! NOW WHAT?

Fortunately, after the kicking and screaming has ceased, “clarity” bursts into the room like the DEA in a raid on a meth lab, yelling: “FREEZE!” Then quietly whispers: “balance, balance. ”

“Hello McFly?” A love that is true and meant for you consists of balance. Most importantly, real love is a journey of valleys, peaks, mountains and plains. This is the universal dynamic of exchange between you and that special someone.

As a result, the beauty that emerges, manifests into love. You see, love is miraculous as well as tragic. How fun would your favorite roller coaster be if it went up and never came down? Without a doubt, that would suck big time. If that same analogy were true of my recreational drug use years ago, I would not be sober enough to have the magnificent epiphany I am basking in this very moment. While, I’m at it, to be honest, if my addiction experience consisted of “highs” and “highs” only, I definitely wouldn’t be able to share this lesson with you. Or anything else for that matter.

Forgive me. I digress.

For some time now, I’ve been looking at love differently. When I envision it now, see it as a tree, in the early stages of growth, isolated in the middle of the Mojave Desert If you would, please picture that just for an uninterrupted solitary moment. Next, apply the laws of nature to it just like a tree. We all know, in order for the love/tree to grow properly, we first must dig a hole. Next, you plant a seed. Then, if you’re lucky, I mean really lucky and you make it that far, you gotta expose it to sunshine and rain.

Now here lies the delicate “balance” that sometimes renders love helpless suspended in a fragile state. Its imperative fir you to proceed with caution and gently sustain, “here it is again: ‘balance.'”. Understand! Too much of one and not enough of the other, will undoubtedly result in its destruction.

Believe me, it doesn’t happen to everyone every time. Some of us are more fortunate than others. But when your tree begins to grow, you just cant sit back and watch it. You must maintain it by manicuring and pruning it. This requires patience and commitment.

Congratulations, you have made it to the crucial juncture where many have fail because we are “moving too fast to engage ourselves” and commit to something of this magnitude. Indeed, love must be cherished not because of how wonderful it can make us feel, but because of how rare it is to find and evade the eminent possibility of loosing it.

It is here, at this point of love’s development, that the “haters” emerge and repeatedly remind you that love is a four-letter word. Although these unhappy clowns are persistent and relentless in their efforts to discourage, I never waver, I embrace love and submerge myself in its essence. I know that it is the most complicated word in our language because it can only be defined by itself. Worse than that, love is defined by each individual differently. I love it still.

Luckily, the absolute most endearing revelation I’ve been blessed to experience, was on my wedding day. Shhhh. (whispering) The first one. Just before I walked up to the alter, my mother took me by the hand and whispered into my ear: “Love is a verb not a noun.” I didn’t get it then. And it’s obvious because that marriage ended in divorce eight years later. In spite of my shortcomings then, I get it now. When you find that special someone, it is absolutely in your best interest to be proactive if you want a love that endures.

Whew! I’m getting a little misty-eyed so I will end this tirade and “put the man in the ground” as my mother would say. Ultimately, living life without mystery and needing to know everything is quite obnoxious. Life is imperfect, unpredictable and chaotic. These attributes are essential to its mystique.

Of course, there lies its beauty and the lessons we need to mature. Fear is the opposite of love and not knowing is the infatuation that sparks the towering inferno every human being longs to consume them. Kind of sadistic ain’t it?  For the official site click here

 

 

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SOMETIMES,UGOTTACRAWLTHRUYOUROWNWINDOW

Posted in book previews, inspirational, love, relationships, Uncategorized on January 28, 2011 by cortneydanielbonner
This is me getting to know myself!

See the guy in this picture?  Well let’s just say, this is how you have to approach yourself sometimes.  I mean, the element of surprise and the heavily armed thing is far from being over the top.  You need the entire ensemble. The mask, the gun and the shady disposition is a must have for this type of ‘intrevention’.  Because you never know how you will react when you truly confront yourself in earnest.  Let’s be honest, things could get ugly!

So, why the sudden need for introspection?  Well, it would be useless to have discussions on love and relationships if you do not love or have a healthy relationship with yourself.  For a long time I believed that I loved myself just because.  But just like any person you come in contact with on a daily basis, there are going to be things you like and things you don’t like.  I had to separate myself from the things  I perceived to be ‘unattractive’.

In addition, you have to be honest with yourself.  Halle Berry once said in an interview: “In the first six months of a relationship, that’s not you……that’s your representative.”  Actually, she is quite accurate.  It’s like expecting a guest over for the first time and trying to ‘tidy up’ really fast.  That’s a joke!  Because if you have not been maintaining your environment and keeping it clean on a regular basis, then you are just sweeping dust under the rug and eventually the filth will be exposed!

Now that we have gotten that out-of-the-way , let’s deal with how we clean up the mess.  It’s similar to performing brain surgery on yourself and believe me, it’s dangerous!  I fainted before I could even administer a local anesthetic.  I was in serious need of help.  I could not do it by myself.   Prayer worked for me.  I asked God to intervene and exterminate all the ugly termites that had infested this huge block of wood sittin’ on top of my shoulders . 

When I saw how many little ugly critters were creepin’ around inside of me, I asked the Lord how did they get there and why it took such a long time for me to realize that I needed help.  He explained it to me in one sentence.  “When you lay down with dogs, you come up with fleas!”  I know it sounds a little genric coming from God but sometimes LESS IS MORE AND TOO MUCH IS NOT ENOUGH.  It was effective. It was an analogy and it was simple.  The dogs were negative thoughts and people who I had surrounded myself with over the years.  Many of us do this and the portal in which we allow these elements to enter our lives is fear!

Ultimately, fear is the basis of everything negative.  As children and young adults we fear that we will not be accepted if we present our true self to the hip new ‘click’ we are trying to join.  So afraid of rejection that we compromise ourselves.  The fear of rejection had blinded me in such a way that I could not see that if the people I was trying to hangout with OR DATE were so cool, then why did I have to change at all?  A better question is why did I tell myself that the real me was not good enough? 

There are many types of insecurities and they manifest themselves in various ways. The key to success in any relationship, including one with yourself, is honesty.  Be you!  Keep it real with yourself!

SELAH!!!

CORTNEY DANIEL BONNER

THE MISSING PEACE

Posted in book previews, inspirational, love, relationships, Uncategorized on December 20, 2010 by cortneydanielbonner
THE MISSING PEACE

You know what sucks?  Working on a 500 pc jigsaw puzzle for 2hrs and 15 mins only to realize that you only have 499 pcs!  Do you know how disappointing  that is?  It’s like being teleported to looserville.  So I moped around for a couple of minutes and then like a MACK truck, it hit me!  This unfortunate experience was a great analogy, not only for my life but for the entire human race.  I know there are countless cultures and numerous ethnicities across the globe. But no matter how much we differ from  one another, we all have one commonality that unites us.  This common denominator exist at the core of every soul.  Each and every single one of us at one time or another in our lives, feels empty or incomplete. 

Often, this MISSING PEACE is so elusive that we will try to fill the void with anything.  Some people choose money.  Others choose love.  But most choose  sex, drugs and alcohol as a quick fix.  These substitutes are very alluring because they make us feel like we are in control and can cover up our true feelings of emptiness.  In fact these substances project the illusion that we are perfectly fine and are in need of nothing.  WRONG!

Unfortunately, I have been a victim of this same illusion.   I can recall a particular night in my past when I was preparing for a night of indulgence.  I was so excited that I wanted to make sure the tools need for this night of pleasure were sparkling clean.  So, after a lot of bleach and elbow grease, I sat back and basked in the glow of pride.  While I was admiring my work, the spirit of the Lord spoke to me.  He said: “Mighty fine work.  Looks like it took a lot of time and effort. Great job!  I said: “Thank you!”  Then the Lord asked: “How much time and effort did you give me today?”  I was speechless and crestfallen.  I grew a lot that day.  I realized that God is the MISSING PEACE. 

Furthermore, not only is it the only peace capable of filling up the great chasm in our lives, it is imperative if you want to make complete sound decisions in your life.   We must understand how important and powerful our free will is.  The human fabric is woven so tightly together that even the smallest choice can affect another human being far greater than we could possibly imagine.  With that being said, please choose wisely.  Whether it is a simple choice to have one more drink  for the road or to storm out of the house in an emotional fury after an argument with your loved one. 

P.S.  Just so you know you are not alone, I am currently in the middle of a little spat with my baby right now.  I don’t mean this day.  I mean this very minute.  I only decided to finish this post to vent my anger and frustration in a constructive manner.  After making that statement and exposing my current emotional climate in my home, I feel better already.

As you can gather, no one is immune.  But by the grace of God and prayer, my Boo-Boo and I can count on God to provide the PEACE MISSING in our lives during an argument to hold us together until we come down off of the ’emotional roller coaster’ and reconcile.  GOD IS THE MISSING PEACE THAT HOLDS IT ALL TOGETHER.

TO BE CONTINUED

SELAH!!!

CORTNEY DANIEL BONNER

 
 

12 STEP PROGRAM FOR THE “CRASH TEST DUMMY” vol 1

Posted in inspirational, Uncategorized on November 20, 2010 by cortneydanielbonner
  1. This could be you!

    We admitted we are powerless over our addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable: This means you either got evicted, arrested, your spouse found out about your dirty little secret, got expelled, got fired, got a death threat from your drug dealer, got a DUI or woke up in your neighbor’s teenage daughter’s room “butt naked” with his shotgun in your mouth. Whatever the case: YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL!

  2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity: That power being the police, the threat of divorce,a death threat from your drug dealer, your wealthy parents cutting you off, your “hotsexybeautiful” girlfriend cutting you off, rehab or an unseen force that moves through everyone’s life known as bad luck, fate, karma or your definition of God.
  3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God: At this point, no one believes you.  What they do believe is that everything you do say is a ploy for more money or some sort of charity you have taken advantage of in the past. “Your word and your balls got busted when you did Tony!”
  4. We made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves: After detoxing, for seven or more days, you realize what an “asshole” you made of yourself and how many people (the ones that love you) you have lied to, stole from, stood up, let down and basically S#!T on and F&%$^D over.
  5. We admitted to ourselves, to God and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs:After realizing how “cruddy and filthy” your soul has been soiled due to your selfishness,  you are so ashamed you must “empty you trash bin”.
  6. We are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character: You can no longer stand to look at yourself in the mirror (or that shiny metal thing by the sink because the powers that be do not allow you to be near any glass or sharp objects due to your suicidal cries heard throughout the night from the nightmares you’ve been having).
  7. We humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings: Who else can give your soul a hysterectomy?
  8. We made a list of persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all: Skip this because the list is far too long and if you approach some of these people they may KILL YOU! What is more important and imperative is FORGIVING YOURSELF.
  9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others: Review step number 8.
  10. We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong we promptly admitted it: Find the recipe for humble pie.  Bake it and eat it for at least three months.
  11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God,  praying only for God’s will for us and the power to carry that out:No one else  can help you but yourself.  But you now know that you cannot progress without the assistance of that unseen force that guides all of our lives.
  12. Having a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts and practice these principals throughout all of our affairs: Realize that you have taken more than your fair share of the world and you have to give something back.  But since you are flat broke, locked up, in rehab or unemployed, all you have to give is what you have learned.

AN OBAMA-NATION

Posted in business, poems, political, socio-economic, Uncategorized on November 14, 2010 by cortneydanielbonner

I AIN’T A DEMOCRAT

I AIN’T REPUBLICAN

INDEPENDENT?

HELL NAW

 I DON’T F#$K WITH THEM

I GOT MY OWN PARTY

I GOT MY OWN AGENDA

SIPPIN’ ON BACARDI

 CNN

WATCHIN’ WOLF BLITZER

 PAINT THE PICTURE

OF POLITICS ITS A TRIP

I HEAR THEM HOUSES TALKIN’

BUT THEY AIN’T DOIN’ SH%T

HOW ABSURD IT IS

TO BE BURDEN WITH

RADICALS LIBERALS CENTRISTS AND CONSERVATIVES

NOW IT’S JOHN BOEHNER

BECAUSE WE CANNED PELOSI

BUT ALL FOUR-HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIVE

ARE A BUNCH OF PHONIES

AND THEY GOT CRONIES HOMEY

JUST TAKE A LOOK AROUND

CIVICS

GOT ME LIVID

CUZ THE SENATE

GOT ONE-HUNDRED CLOWNS

AND WHAT THE F$#K IS

SUPREME JUSTICE SH#T

NINE ASSES WITH GLASSES CAN’T SEE WHAT INJUSTICE IS?

ALL DUE RESPECT YOUR HONOR

BUT AFTER BUSH’S DRAMA

HOW THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT

PRESIDENT OBAMA

 TO CHANGE

A TRADITION

CLEARLY BUILT FOR PIMPIN’

 ‘CUZ

FOUR OR MORE RUN THE FLOOR

 FOR

THE SECURITIES EXCHANGE COMMISSION

I AIN’T TRIPPIN’

 I’M JUST GIVIN’ YA’LL THE LOW DOWN

 TEA BAGGERS GOT THE SWAGGER

 G O P  GOT THE FLOW NOW

BUT

I DUNNO

HOW

IT LOOK

NOW

N

‘YO’ TOWN

BUT

DOWN

‘HUR’

IT AINT ‘ENUFF

TO GO

‘ROWN’

‘RED? BLUE? GREEN?

MAN

WHO THE HELL CARES?

I JUST LOST MY JOB DOG

NOW I’M ON WELFARE

GOT EVICTED HIT THE SHELTER

DAMN!!!

IT WAS HELL THERE

MY LADY GOT BABY ON THE WAY

BUT WAIT!!!

 NO

HEALTHCARE

IN THE BUDGET FOR ME

THE GOVERNMENT IGNORES ME

CAN’T

 TIM GEITHNER OR PAUL BERNANKE

DO SOMETHING FOR ME?

A LITTLE STIMULUS HOW ABOUT A BAILOUT?

OH!

I SEE

IF  I WAS

A I G

 YOU WOULD HELP ME OUT?

 WALL STREET

MAIN STREET

WHAT TO DO STREET?

START CLEANIN’ MY GLOCK

GET SOME F$#KIN’ FOOD STREET

 NO BULL$H*TTIN

I’M IN NEED

 OF

ASSISTANCE

WHAT THE HELL I GOTTA DO?

BE AN EARTHQUAKE VICTIM ?

 SELAH!!!

 to be continued

IN HIS PRESENTS book preview Overview

Posted in Uncategorized on November 12, 2010 by cortneydanielbonner

IN HIS PRESENTS

 

 

The past is history. The future is a mystery. This moment is a gift.That is why it is called the PRESENT.  DEEPAK CHOPRA

 

In the world today, there are many people in various cultures who have one thing in common.  This commonality we all share is the struggle to find ourselves. It is very stressful to coexist in these uncertain times.  It is also very easy for people lose sight of who they are. All of us have personal dreams and desires.  Some of us have even experienced the great feeling that engulfs our souls when those dreams manifest.  But, OH! How great it would be to live the dream that God has for us. As His children we are taught to walk in the presence of God but seldom do we hear lessons to walk IN HIS PRESENTS.

As Christians we know our God to be a giving God.  He gave his only son to be the sacrificial lamb so that we may have everlasting life.  But God is also omnipotent and has blessed us far beyond our comprehension.  It is time for us to remember who, what, when and where we are.  We are His children and he has given us a myriad of gifts.  Some of these gifts lay dormant deep within us that only need to be awakened.

About a month ago, I was watching the Turner Classic Movie Channel and the Wizard of Oz was just beginning.  I had seen it at least fifty times before. I was tempted to turn the station but the spirit of the Lord advised me to watch it again.  Thirty minutes into the film, it dawned on me.  Dorothy could have gone home any time she chose.  She had the “ruby red slippers”.  Unfortunately, she did not realize the power they possessed.  She might have discovered their true worth if only she had questioned why the wizard and the wicked witch wanted them so badly.

I thank the Lord for those arduous days in college.  I was a Radio, Television and Film major and I recalled my studies in epics.  It has always been apparent in every epic poem or film, the hero/heroine has always possessed what was needed to succeed. The end is a reflection of the beginning and whether or not we are aware of the precious gifts God has embedded in us, they do exist.  We need only find them.

So, many may ask:” Where is my gift? “.  This is an excellent question. Assuming you have seen the film, you can remember Dorothy’s house being sucked into the eye of the tornado and catapulted to Oz.  It is there her house is thrust upon the witch and magically the “ruby red slippers” appeared on her feet.  Her great gift was the result of an unfortunate event.  This was such a sad beginning.

Therefore, it is suffice to say that we are all Dorothy.  In our own way, we are all lost trying to go home.  It is along the path (yellow brick road) we find the intelligence, the heart and courage to continue into the unknown.  But just like Dorothy, we must help others along the way and only then will we begin to remember that magic(the ruby red slippers) gift given to us in the beginning of our days.  It may be that unfortunate event(the house killing the witch) that scarred us that may also be the source of our gifts.

Personally, it has been my experience that the Lord uses that which is broken to fix what is broken.  Those of us who are lost may feel broken inside.  What we must do is turn to God and allow Him to shine within us so that we may see that our gifts are hidden in our scars.  God’s great gift of experience molds us into soldiers to do his work and live His dream.

 

So I pray that we all will remember to live, breathe and walk IN HIS PRESENTS.

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