SOMETIMES,UGOTTACRAWLTHRUYOUROWNWINDOW

Posted in book previews, inspirational, love, relationships, Uncategorized on January 28, 2011 by cortneydanielbonner
This is me getting to know myself!

See the guy in this picture?  Well let’s just say, this is how you have to approach yourself sometimes.  I mean, the element of surprise and the heavily armed thing is far from being over the top.  You need the entire ensemble. The mask, the gun and the shady disposition is a must have for this type of ‘intrevention’.  Because you never know how you will react when you truly confront yourself in earnest.  Let’s be honest, things could get ugly!

So, why the sudden need for introspection?  Well, it would be useless to have discussions on love and relationships if you do not love or have a healthy relationship with yourself.  For a long time I believed that I loved myself just because.  But just like any person you come in contact with on a daily basis, there are going to be things you like and things you don’t like.  I had to separate myself from the things  I perceived to be ‘unattractive’.

In addition, you have to be honest with yourself.  Halle Berry once said in an interview: “In the first six months of a relationship, that’s not you……that’s your representative.”  Actually, she is quite accurate.  It’s like expecting a guest over for the first time and trying to ‘tidy up’ really fast.  That’s a joke!  Because if you have not been maintaining your environment and keeping it clean on a regular basis, then you are just sweeping dust under the rug and eventually the filth will be exposed!

Now that we have gotten that out-of-the-way , let’s deal with how we clean up the mess.  It’s similar to performing brain surgery on yourself and believe me, it’s dangerous!  I fainted before I could even administer a local anesthetic.  I was in serious need of help.  I could not do it by myself.   Prayer worked for me.  I asked God to intervene and exterminate all the ugly termites that had infested this huge block of wood sittin’ on top of my shoulders . 

When I saw how many little ugly critters were creepin’ around inside of me, I asked the Lord how did they get there and why it took such a long time for me to realize that I needed help.  He explained it to me in one sentence.  “When you lay down with dogs, you come up with fleas!”  I know it sounds a little genric coming from God but sometimes LESS IS MORE AND TOO MUCH IS NOT ENOUGH.  It was effective. It was an analogy and it was simple.  The dogs were negative thoughts and people who I had surrounded myself with over the years.  Many of us do this and the portal in which we allow these elements to enter our lives is fear!

Ultimately, fear is the basis of everything negative.  As children and young adults we fear that we will not be accepted if we present our true self to the hip new ‘click’ we are trying to join.  So afraid of rejection that we compromise ourselves.  The fear of rejection had blinded me in such a way that I could not see that if the people I was trying to hangout with OR DATE were so cool, then why did I have to change at all?  A better question is why did I tell myself that the real me was not good enough? 

There are many types of insecurities and they manifest themselves in various ways. The key to success in any relationship, including one with yourself, is honesty.  Be you!  Keep it real with yourself!

SELAH!!!

CORTNEY DANIEL BONNER

WE SHOULD BE “COMMITTED”

Posted in book previews, inspirational, love, relationships on January 20, 2011 by cortneydanielbonner

If love is crazy and the person you love is crazy and you chose to be with them then that makes you crazy!  So, you should be committed……..to the one you love.

Well I’m back.  Here’s an update.  My girlfriend and I broke up, tried it out with other people then finally realized that was a waste of time.  We broke down and against our better judgment  and to the dismay of all our so called friends who moonlight as psychotherapists  but are either sexually deprived, emotionally retarded, alone or in a relationship more phuckd up than ours, we got back 2gether .  After many tears and orgasms we broke through our fears and DUH?  We finally realized that if it made sense it would not be love and broke out of the prison we built 4 ourselves….   FEAR!

Now, don’t misunderstand me.  The first 23 days we were back together were AMAZING, but like great sex the afterglow only lasts for so long.  So we each had to roll up our sleeves and get to work.  Hey, if it was easy, then  everyone would be happy in love and there would be no divorces.  Sustaining a healthy relationship is no walk on the beach.  And have you been to the beach lately?  I ain’t been to the beach in  years and I STILL have sand in my navel.  Oh you too?  Annoying isn’t it?

Don’t tell my girl I said this, but being in love has the joy of being at the beach and I love that but I can do without the sand that comes with it.  Unfortunately, you can’t have the beach without sand and HEY she’s worth it.  And we all know that,  if you want the ultimate, you got to pay the ultimate price.  Besides, a little sand never hurt anyone.

After a few spats, we decided that we were both insane and were totally made for each other.   So, in order to fulfill the LUNACY of true love, we made a commitment to one another to never part.  Let’s face it!  Breaking up is easy.  It’s the staying together that’s the pain in the ( Forrest Gump Voice) BUTTOCKS!

Nevertheless, I am proud to be committed to my partner.  Our commitment is an extremely  important facet of my life.  But its staying committed that uplifts my self-esteem.  Oh no! I’ve done it now.  I try not to get all emotional and teary-eyed when I write these posts and as soon as the men in the white suits come remove this straight jacket, I’ll go get some tissue and blow my nose.  Here they come now!

Finally, this post commemorates my return to love.  It’s great to be back in the saddle again!  For the official site click here

THE MISSING PEACE

Posted in book previews, inspirational, love, relationships, Uncategorized on December 20, 2010 by cortneydanielbonner
THE MISSING PEACE

You know what sucks?  Working on a 500 pc jigsaw puzzle for 2hrs and 15 mins only to realize that you only have 499 pcs!  Do you know how disappointing  that is?  It’s like being teleported to looserville.  So I moped around for a couple of minutes and then like a MACK truck, it hit me!  This unfortunate experience was a great analogy, not only for my life but for the entire human race.  I know there are countless cultures and numerous ethnicities across the globe. But no matter how much we differ from  one another, we all have one commonality that unites us.  This common denominator exist at the core of every soul.  Each and every single one of us at one time or another in our lives, feels empty or incomplete. 

Often, this MISSING PEACE is so elusive that we will try to fill the void with anything.  Some people choose money.  Others choose love.  But most choose  sex, drugs and alcohol as a quick fix.  These substitutes are very alluring because they make us feel like we are in control and can cover up our true feelings of emptiness.  In fact these substances project the illusion that we are perfectly fine and are in need of nothing.  WRONG!

Unfortunately, I have been a victim of this same illusion.   I can recall a particular night in my past when I was preparing for a night of indulgence.  I was so excited that I wanted to make sure the tools need for this night of pleasure were sparkling clean.  So, after a lot of bleach and elbow grease, I sat back and basked in the glow of pride.  While I was admiring my work, the spirit of the Lord spoke to me.  He said: “Mighty fine work.  Looks like it took a lot of time and effort. Great job!  I said: “Thank you!”  Then the Lord asked: “How much time and effort did you give me today?”  I was speechless and crestfallen.  I grew a lot that day.  I realized that God is the MISSING PEACE. 

Furthermore, not only is it the only peace capable of filling up the great chasm in our lives, it is imperative if you want to make complete sound decisions in your life.   We must understand how important and powerful our free will is.  The human fabric is woven so tightly together that even the smallest choice can affect another human being far greater than we could possibly imagine.  With that being said, please choose wisely.  Whether it is a simple choice to have one more drink  for the road or to storm out of the house in an emotional fury after an argument with your loved one. 

P.S.  Just so you know you are not alone, I am currently in the middle of a little spat with my baby right now.  I don’t mean this day.  I mean this very minute.  I only decided to finish this post to vent my anger and frustration in a constructive manner.  After making that statement and exposing my current emotional climate in my home, I feel better already.

As you can gather, no one is immune.  But by the grace of God and prayer, my Boo-Boo and I can count on God to provide the PEACE MISSING in our lives during an argument to hold us together until we come down off of the ’emotional roller coaster’ and reconcile.  GOD IS THE MISSING PEACE THAT HOLDS IT ALL TOGETHER.

TO BE CONTINUED

SELAH!!!

CORTNEY DANIEL BONNER

 
 
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